He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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