I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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