im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
