It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
