holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
