is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
