have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i now understand why vodka
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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