I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
