I faked an abortion last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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