May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's just like the Real World with babies
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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