I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
