you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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