homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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