Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
