You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize