i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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