Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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