so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
