i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
