I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
