First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
