How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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