i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
