is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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