i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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