Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
