he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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