Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
