i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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