Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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