it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The best revenge is premature balding
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
