Got a toothbrush?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
