And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
