dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Barsexuality is the new black.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize