i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
