your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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