she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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