Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
