whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
