did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sober January is a disaster.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize