Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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