A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
