Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
