girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize