I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
