my vag is so smooth its legendary
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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