I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
