the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
