hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
