i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
