my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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