dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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