Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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