so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found puke in my bra..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
