Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
