Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
too bad you live with your parents still
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
