Whod you bang
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
