I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
