Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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