Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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