last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
