So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
