I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
