I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
