he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
