how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
