he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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