Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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