I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
