smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
